Policies

These are my general policies: 

1) Nuts in chocolate chip cookies will not be tolerated. It's blasphemy. Chocolate chip cookies were invented when the woman in the toll house ran out of nuts one day and substituted chocolate chips. So, you see, you really shouldn't use both.

2) Drink a little wine each day. If you happen to miss a few days, then it is OK to drink a LOT of wine one night to make up for it.

3) Keep dental floss in the car. Sure, your fellow commuters will give you funny looks, but it's easier to remember this critical piece of dental hygiene if the floss is staring at you while you are sitting in traffic.

4) When making a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, use Peter Pan peanut butter; it really tastes better. And, make sure to put the peanut butter on BOTH sides of the bread, as it helps prevent the moisture from the jelly from ruining the bread if you get a phone call in the middle of your meal.

5) Always remember to put the toilet seat down. Not only because your wife will yell at you, but also because it prevents the dog from drinking out of the bowl.

6) If you are trekking in Nepal, and one of the locals at the restaurant points at the menu and says, "don't eat the yak meat" ... listen to him. He knows what he's talking about.

7) If your future wife works for the humane society, consider making her sign a prenup that says she will never bring home more animals than you have bedrooms in the house.

8) If you are an American traveling internationally, and you happen to purchase a used backpack with a Canadian sticker on it. And if people happen to think you are Canadian. Just go with it. You'll get a whole new view of what people think of Americans.

9) When draining a hot water heater in preparation for replacement, DON'T put the drain hose onto the lawn thinking you'll water the lawn at the same time. It's a HOT water heater, stupid.

10) If your dog is circling near the door, let him out.

 

But, Seriously: 

Let's sum up Road 31's policies like this: I use common sense and decency. I will not give your information to anyone. Anybody who does such things should be strung up by their toenails. If you don't like what I'm sending you, let me know and I'll stop.